Welcome to the rundown of why my week was both painful but wonderful:

1. Being a People Pleaser + Perfectionist: 

Sometimes, I feel like my people-pleasing tendencies and perfectionism are slowly killing me. For every group assignment, I make outlines and Zoom meetings, assign tasks, and formulate a schedule without being asked. Part of the issue is that I would rather get everything done early, even if it means taking most of the work than feel the anxiety of waiting for others to show initiative. I also struggle to say no because I hate letting people down. I expect I developed this tendency because of my mother’s immense pressure on me academically and the fact that I am conflict-avoidant.

Back in high school, I had friends who would quickly get upset and cry or yell instead of calmly communicating their feelings to me. Since those interactions stressed me out, my only solution was to agree with most things. However, time has shown me that being nice 24/7 and always saying yes is not the answer. That approach to relationships is draining and Disingenuine. I need to learn to create boundaries to take care of MYSELF on top of the people I care about. I have come up with a few goals to achieve this: 

• Do not automatically assume the leader position in a group assignment. Instead, discuss how we can break up work equally. 
• Tell people when they upset you in a non-confrontational way. Focus on how it made you feel rather than attacking their character. But only address issues if it is a meaningful relationship; otherwise, it will only cause me to stress and waste my time. 
• If you cannot make an event or do something for someone, just tell them you would love to but cannot. Remember that you have a lot to balance, too. It is OK to prioritize yourself.  
• Start to value honesty or nice-ness. Being kind is important, but expressing your true beliefs on a matter/ presenting your true self to the world will make you happier.

2. Job Search/ Health 

Is it just me, or does nothing truly prepare college students for the job search process? I am a senior International Business/ Marketing major looking for jobs in healthcare, publishing, beauty, or clean energy, and it has been ROUGH.  Although I make time to research positions, submit applications that require personalized cover letters, and reach out to company employees to network, it never feels like enough. I hardly hear back from anyone, and even when a networking meeting goes well, it does not lead to opportunities. The combination of schoolwork, job search, work-study, and maintaining social relationships puts me on 4 to 5 hours of sleep every night and a relapse with energy drinks.

On top of that, I started a new medication for my chronic illness that has been causing extreme pain and bloating.

Still, I have hope that something will come along. Perhaps it is too early for companies to begin hiring students graduating in May. Maybe I just have not found the perfect position that matches my experience. Either way now is the time to channel my name, Joy Aiko (child of joyful happiness and love), and stay positive. I will try to get more schoolwork done at my work study so I can focus on applications and prioritize sleep. I might also ask my love if we can have a few nap/ study dates so I do not pass out, haha. Okay! Moving onto happy updates->

1. Cartilage Piercing 

Last weekend, my happy person took me to get piercings together. We started the day by visiting a record store in Cambridge, where he asked me for advice on records to get his friends for his birthday. I had never been to a record store and felt like a hip downtown girl. My favorite record was the “The Sound of Music” soundtrack because it had a beautiful cover, and I grew up watching the film every other weekend. Then, we went to Lucky’s Tattoo and Piercing, which was 5 minutes away from the records store.

The piercer was excellent; he showed us the jewelry options and gave us a rundown of the process and instructions for aftercare. I chose a cute silver floral stud for my helix, and my boy chose a titanium silver stud for his second lobe. I asked to go first because I was starting to get nervous and like getting scary/hard things out of the way fast. However, the piercing did not hurt as much as I expected! It was like a quiet, hot pain that burned for a few hours afterward, but NOTHING compared to the laser hair removal I get every few months. It has been a few days, and I still admire the piercing in the mirror every morning.

After we got it, he said I would have to think of him whenever I looked at the piercing.

Without thinking, I said that was the main reason I wanted to get it, that I probably would not have gotten it if it was not with him. He looked shocked, then a wide grin spread across his face, and he said, “I guess you cannot get rid of me now.” That is another memory I will keep stored safely in my brain for when school and job search bring me down.

I was also overjoyed when he texted me that the onigiri I made him for National BF Day was delicious. 😊 I used to always cook for my little sister. However, in college, I have been surviving off of “girl dinners” (random ingredients snacks), so I was nervous about cooking again. The package I dropped off at his door included rice balls with furikake, salmon, tuna, mayo, and seaweed. Something about giving gifts always makes me feel warm inside. Maybe it is my love language? Anyways, moving on to my second happy update ->

2. Facetime With My Sister 

Last week, I talked about how my mom is my closest friend, but she might be trying with my sister. My sister is two years younger than me, an INFP (I am an ISTJ), and much more hip and relaxed than me, although also quite irresponsible. She is very hard to get a hold of from Boston because her mind is always in the air, and she forgets when people call her.

But recently, she Facetimed me out of the blue, and we talked for over 4 hours.She updated me about her current love interests, rambled about her spirituality and gender identity, and consoled me about my worries about my medications. She is one of the few people I feel comfortable discussing mental health with, but she still makes me laugh with her silly college stories. Talking to her is like warm honey being poured back into my heart after weeks of being enclosed in a concrete mold. We disagree, fight, and give each other the cold shoulder, but at the end of the day, we are there for each other.

Facetiming my sister and going on the piercing date made me realize how much humans need connection. Mind you, I am an introvert and highly value my alone time. However, the right people will breathe life into you after a hard week. Is there a friend you have not talked to in a while or a sibling you should check up on? Reach out; I am sure they would be happy to hear from you. 

Lots of love, 

Joy 

P.S. Listen to “Mine All Mine” by Mitski RIGHT NOW. This song has had me crying in the shower for the past week!