Love

I have been thinking a lot about love lately. Not only because I am in a relationship but also because I have been reconsidering how I view my friendships. What is love anyway? Oxford Dictionary defines it as an “intense feeling of deep affection” or a “great interest and pleasure in something.” Let’s start with the second definition because it is easier to grasp. I know I love thriller novels, flowery summer dresses that make me feel like a princess, vanilla perfumes, chocolate chip cookies, falling asleep in a warm car, forehead kisses, praise from teachers, lighting candles, packing Christmas presents, and more, and more and more. These activities or objects make me happy because I take pleasure in them. But my issue is with the first definition.

Okay but what does it all mean?

How do I know I love someone? Well, according to the definition, I need to feel a deep affection for them. So, what is affection? Affection refers to a gentle feeling of fondness or liking. Therefore, loving someone means feeling intense fondness or liking for them. By this definition, I love countless people. I love my childhood celebrity crush, Dylan O’Brien, my favorite fictional character, Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf, my high school English Teacher who made me feel understood, that stranger on the train who called me beautiful when I was feeling down, and so many more people whom I haven’t even had an entire conversation with. How can I love someone that I don’t really know? Do you need to know every aspect of someone to love them? Or just brief glimpses of their personality that they show you?

Love for me:

To me, love is a bit different than the Oxford definition. Foremost, love means that I trust that person. I know they want the best for me and will not easily cut off our relationship if one of us is struggling. I need to trust that even if we argue or disagree, our relationship will stay strong because we will work through it. This can only happen with time and experience working through problems. How can I love someone if I don’t know how they would react when I upset them? How can I love them if the relationship is surface-level? Trust also means I feel comfortable sharing information with them and know that it will stay between us. Recently, my friend broke my trust several times. Our years of friendship have made me love her deeply, but her actions created a dent in my love for her.

Love also means putting other people before yourself. For me, my family demonstrates this the best. My mother loves me because she has sacrificed so much to ensure I have a good life. My sister loves me (even though she can also hate me sometimes) because if I am truly hurting, she does her best to comfort me. Similarly, I show that I love my sister by trying my best to be someone she can lean on for help, advice, a laugh, or even a deep clean of her depression room.

Soft Love

However, there is the softer version of love that isn’t related to severe themes like trust or support. It is a warm feeling that crawls into your heart when you least expect it. I feel this when I am with my friends and family. For example, when my friends surprised me in Boston, it felt like all the school/ work stress tightening around my heart melted. Likewise, when my mom wraps her arms around me when I return home every few months, the tiny needles of tiredness stuck in my brain fly away, replaced by warmth and safety. Recently, I felt this warm feeling for my bf and it made me think a lot because I am an analytical, cautious person. We were watching a movie together, and he smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. It was such a small act, but it really hit my heart. In that moment, I felt safe and happy; it was as though I was exactly where I needed to be with the person I needed to be with. But that warm feeling came with some discomfort.

I haven’t used much affection language with him because I want to protect myself. For me, vulnerability means more risk of getting hurt if things do not work out. But when he does these things, it makes it difficult not to let my guard down. Maybe I need to be more brave, or maybe I need to stop overthinking. My goal is to be more expressive and not hold back because, well, “you only live once,” and life is more colorful if you are brave enough to feel both the highs and the lows.
If you are reading this, take my little oversharing blog post as an invitation to also tell people how you feel. Whether it’s gratitude, admiration, loyalty, love, or any other positive emotion humans feel for each other – letting them know won’t hurt. We got this.

P.S For this week’s theme, I would meet Saiki K and propose with a promise to make him homemade coffee jelly every day forever or meet Totoro and ask for a floating trip above the night sky.

Best,
Joy