What is something you’re lying to yourself about?
The above reflection question was asked during my recent virtual meeting at a mentorship club.
My answer: I tell myself that I have applied to enough internships and worked hard enough. Nonetheless, in the back of my mind, I still felt like I could be doing more. To me, that was my lie. Only in this method and mind control could I actually force myself to enjoy other activities, such as hanging out with friends and spending time on my hobbies.
In response to my answer, the peer who I was in a one to one speed dating conversation with told me how the concept of being enough is abstract. It won’t be enough until I secure an internship and “enough” is tied so aggressively with a result.
Her comment got me thinking about how result-oriented I can be sometimes and how this mindset often mentally drains me.
Similar to this is overthinking. Both are not physically visible. People who interact with you on a daily basis won’t know. In fact, most won’t. Ever. They’ll know when you’re sick, because they see and hear you coughing. They’ll know when you broke an arm, because they see your arm in a cast. However, whatever pulls you down in the head stays invisible but may weigh a ton.
Thus, rather than being a lie, I think I have created more of a mental block.
