Taking up Space in Winter

Winter has its charms. With snow and the lingering holiday decorations almost everywhere you turn, I love the times when I’m cozy, bundled up in a warm jacket and drinking hot chocolate with my roommates. Despite this, there’s one part about winter that I find a little annoying: the hassle it takes just to leave and go outside. Even if you’re outside for just a short amount of time, before you leave, you have to put on all the layers you shed and put on a sweater, big coat, hat, gloves, shoes that won’t get ruined in the snow. Even then, the cold will have you speed-walking to your destination with hands stuffed in your pockets to hide your fingers from the icy bite of the wind.

I grew up in New Hampshire, so I’ve spent my whole life around here with the same kind of New England winters. If you’ve lived in a place with cold weather, you might know what I mean when I start talking about those kids in school who always wear shorts in the dead of winter. Legs fully out and exposed to the freezing world. There was always that one kid who did that- like the cold has challenged them, and they take it personally to challenge it back.

I didn’t do that. I just was afraid to wear a hat, or wear too puffy of a jacket. Really, I didn’t want to fight nature– but I used to have such extreme social anxiety that I was afraid that putting on hats and gloves and big jackets would draw me too much attention, or something like that. Most of all, I just felt like I wasn’t allowed to take up space.

Nowadays, though, I wear this bright yellow winter jacket. I take my time to stop to the side of a hallway while people pass by and put on my hat and these gloves that look like little raccoons before heading out. Sometimes in the back of my head, it still feels like people are watching and I start getting anxious, but I know how to tell myself that that’s not true. These days, I’m a lot warmer!