If you’re a freshman, you’re in for a rude awakening about college: It is not a magical friendship land. I’m sure everyone has dreamed of meeting your lifelong best friends on your first day. I’m also sure that anyone reading this can attest that if you meet your lifelong friends on your first day, you are incredibly lucky. The rest of us would be lucky to just meet lifelong friends in our first year of college. How do we even know if a relationship will last a lifetime? I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t matter.
I’m proud to say that I am finally in the process of unlearning the paradigm of placing so much value on “forever.” A year ago, all I wanted was to find people who would stay in my life forever. While the thought behind this desire came from a place of wanting genuine and meaningful connections, it can be a toxic mindset. You ultimately put a surmountable amount of pressure on yourself over something you can’t control. There is no formula for finding lasting relationships and there is no way for you to know how it will evolve. It is completely natural for people to fall out of touch or decide that they no longer want to be friends, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you wasted your time with the wrong person. Remember to validate that this relationship was important to both of you and it’s end doesn’t take away from that.
Now I’m going to tell you a little something about my all-time favorite movie La La Land. *Note: if you haven’t watched this movie yet, PLEASE skip this paragraph because it contains spoilers!* The first time I watched La La Land I was swept away by the dreamy tone, chemistry between the leads, and themes of artistic aspirations. The movie follows Sebastian, played by Ryan Gosling, and Mia, played by Emma Stone, as they fall in love while working towards their dreams of opening a jazz club and becoming a well-known actress, respectively. At the end, the film skips to several years ahead when the two leads have finally achieved their aspirations. As their new lives unfold on the screen, the audience slowly realizes that Sebastian and Mia have moved on without each other. While their dreams persisted, their love didn’t. As a hopeless romantic, it drove me crazy. I was disappointed to see that their last interaction didn’t result in a rekindling of their romantic relationship. I couldn’t accept it. I couldn’t accept the interpretation that there was a tradeoff between career success and love. One of the reasons why La La Land is my favorite movie is because it depicts how someone who doesn’t become your happily ever after can be just as important. The characters, Sebastian and Mia, will always be special to each other because they ultimately could not have accomplished their dreams without the other person. They are “the one” for each other in a different sense– a sense that disregards how long their relationship lasted.
At the end of the day, we’re young! Who cares about happily ever after! We have so much time before then, so enjoy the present moment without stressing about the future. Appreciate each person in your life regardless of how long they stay.
